I have a target

Previously, I have said that losing as much weight as I want can take as long as I want. I have no time limits; no deadlines.

Now I have one: Thursday the 16th of February.

That is the day I will be going swimming with my family and my wife will see me without a vest or a t-shirt on.

I want a compliment. Or at the very least a look up and down and a smile.

I'll take that.

That, really, is all I want. I want my wife to find me physically attractive. I want to be, if only just for a moment, objectified. I want to feel like more than someone who gets up to make her coffee every morning, gets the children ready for school, and looks after them every Saturday and Sunday morning so she can have a lie-in for a couple of hours.

I know my limits. It's not as if I'm going to wake up one morning and have shot up from 5'10" to over 6', but you work with what you've got.

A few years' ago, we were at the beach, I was maybe around 33, 34 or so and I looked pretty good with my shirt off. There was a girl a bit down the beach maybe early twenties, perhaps late teens, who kept looking over at me after I took my shirt off. That was nice.

But this time I'd like to notice it from the person that mattered. And I've got a little over 2 weeks to sort it out.

Day 28 - 2400 calories

Breakfast
Milk (100)
Ham (100)

Lunch
5x double chocolate cookies (1100)
Ham (200)
Chicken sandwich (300)


Dinner
Chicken breast (200)
2x protein bar (400)

Exercise
75m walking
15x sets bicep curls

Day 29 - 3350 calories

Breakfast
Milk (100)
Toast (50)
 5x jam doughnuts (1150)

Lunch
2x small chicken breast (400)

Dinner
1x small chicken breast (200)
Lentil soup (350)
Toast and chocolate spread (200)
Lots of Quality Street (900) 

Exercise
35 press ups
12x sets dips
60m walking

How can I be losing weight?

Simple: thermodynamics.

Over the course of the week, I am expending more energy than I consume. That may be in physical movement, or the production of heat.

It may be due to inefficient locomotion, or inefficient generation of ATP from the chemical energy I'm ingesting.

Whatever it is though, I am running at a calorific deficit, so am obtaining the extra energy from my body's energy stores, using them up, and losing weight.

Today is the 28th January and, as of 7am this morning, I weigh 11 stone, 9 pounds. On the 3rd January, I weighed 12 stone 2 pounds and 8 ounces. That's not bad.

Especially considering - if you look back at my food diary - I haven't really been trying very hard.

What I have been doing, is counting the calories of what I eat, rounding up to the next 50 calories to make it easy to keep on top of, and trying to follow bad days - or atrocious weekends - with good days.

What I've not been doing is recording my calories net of exercise. If I eat 2000 calories and walk 10 minutes, it goes down as 2000 calories. If I eat 2000 calories and walk 90 minutes, it goes down as 2000 calories.

What I don't even consider is the fact I get up at 5.30 most mornings, and - due to having children - spend a lot of time going up and down the stairs.

So, last week, according to the spreadsheet, my daily average calorie intake was 2714. However, consider the rounding error - maybe that takes it to 2650 or 2600, and consider the additional walking to the bus stop on the way to and home from work, and the net figure might be 2300 a day.

Possibly even lower.

And that's why the number on the scales keeps coming down.

Another Saturday blowout day today, but not as bad as last week, and hopefully I'll try and have a more respectable Sunday as well. I need to: it's the first Wednesday weigh-in next week...

Day 26 - 4600 calories

Breakfast
Milk (200)
Ham (200)
Eggs (200)
Toast (100)

Lunch
2x slices toast with cream cheese (500)
Smoked haddock with spinach and poached eggs (400)
Chocolate thins (700)
2x slices cake (500)

Dinner
Haggis (450)
Red wine (500)
3x slices buttered toast (450)
Ice cream (200)
Mystery former party bag chocolate in children's room (100)
2x squares dark chocolate (100)

Exercise
10x sets bicep curls
60m walking

Day 27 - 3850 calories

Breakfast
Milk (200)
2x poached eggs on toast (300) 

Lunch
Haggis (800)

Snack
3x weetabix with raisins and milk (600)
Ham sandwich (200)
3x Biscuit  bar (300)
Piece of cheese (50)

Dinner
2x beef burgers in sandwich (800)
Dark chocolate (100)
Yum Yum (300)
Beer (200)

Exercise
100 press ups
8x sets dips
60m walk

The simple joy of a simple compliment

I received an unsolicited compliment about my physique today.

I can't say how nice that was, I certainly can't say when I received the last one.

What I can say, is that despite this week turning into a bit of a challenge after last weekend's hedonism, I feel good about my progress from where I started, to where I am now.

I always knew this was a long-term thing. I have no pressing deadline, so why restrict myself to a cherry tomato wrapped in a spinach leaf a day when I can enjoy things I, well, actually enjoy.

Just perhaps not quite as many of them as I have been doing on the weekends.

The last couple of days have been solid, if not spectacular, but hopefully those extra few yards I walk to and from the bus, to the shops and between school and nursery will add up to something.

According to the average tracker spreadsheet, to hit my daily average target of 2300 calories a day for the week, I'll need to eat -1350 calories tomorrow.

That can't really happen. Given that I record the calories gross, rather than net of exercise, it's not as if I can even eat nothing and walk for five hours.

However, if I eat 1200 calories, my daily average will be 2664. If you take off 300 or so a day for the exercise, that makes 2334, which might just cover it. And when you factor in the error caused by rounding up, maybe there's hope yet.

I might just have that pre-Saturday weigh-in check tomorrow morning, just to see if I can push the envelope with that left-over half pizza that's in the fridge...

Day 23 - 1500 calories

Breakfast
Milk (100)
Snickers (250)
Chicken breast (200)

Lunch
Chicken curry with rice (500)
Cherry tomatoes (50)

Dinner
Ham (200)
Chicken breast (200)

Exercise
11x sets bicep curls
60m walking

Day 24 - 1800 calories

Breakfast
Milk (100)
Bagel (250)
Chicken breast (200)
Snickers (250)

Lunch
Chicken curry with rice (500)
Water biscuits (100)
Ham (200)

Dinner
Ham (200)

Exercise
100 press ups
8x sets dips
70m walking

Day 25 - 1550 calories

Breakfast
Milk (100)
Chocolate chip cookie (300)

Lunch
Ham (400)

Dinner
Olives (100)
Cheese (150)
10x water biscuits (250)
2 glasses wine (250)

Exercise
25 squats
90m walking

Lose weight with evil foods and the celebratory rebound

Two things to discuss today:

Thing the first:

Having based a large part of last week's diet on the 'list of foods I must never eat if I want to lose weight', I lost a pound. Not only that, I lost a pound after a week that started with a weekend of me eating for two.

I quite like that diet, so I'm going to do it again this week. I've enjoyed my Sugary cereals, candy bars, sugary fizzy drink, pizza, ice cream, beer and all those things.

I particularly enjoyed my high-calorie coffee drink replacement Big Mac.

Possibly the SEO click-bait article title should be renamed "The 11 foods it's actually okay to eat if you want to lose weight, just make sure you don't go overboard; eat them as part of your weekly calorie allowance".

But maybe that wouldn't be as catchy.

Thing the second:

I think having weigh-in day on Saturday may be a bit of double-edged sword.

The rationale was that I would maximise my chances of weighing in down on the previous week, as I would have had five work days leading up to it.

It's much easier to not not decide to have three beers and run to the shop for a couple of bread and butter puddings and some double cream when you're at work.

So, once again, after coming in at 11 st 10 lb 0 oz on Saturday morning, I celebrate by letting things get a little sloppy for the rest of the day, safe in the knowledge that I had another six days to recover the situation.

Now, punching the Saturday calories numbers into my daily target calorie spreadsheet, my 2300 calories a day figure now becomes 1733 for the next six days. Given that I round up in 50s, that's really 1700.

Now that's still fine, but it does put a bit of a stop on the week before it's even started. To control the weekend, I might consider moving my weigh day to Tuesday or Wednesday.

Not this week though...

Day 19 - 5700 calories

Breakfast
Milk (100 kcal.)
Cereal with milk (600 kcal.)
2x slices of buttered white toast (300 kcal.)


Lunch
Scrambled eggs (300 kcal.)
2x slices of toast with cream cheese and smoked salmon (800 kcal.)

Snack
Square of dark chocolate (100 kcal.)
Piece of shortbread (100 kcal.)


Dinner
Chicken curry (200 kcal.)
Rice (100 kcal.)
Naan bread (800 kcal,)
Leftover beefburger (150 kcal.)
4x beers (800 kcal.)
Glass of wine (200 kcal.)
2x bread and butter puddings (800 kcal.)
Double cream (350 kcal.)

Exercise
1x 25 squats
6 sets bicep curls
2x sets 24 x dumbbell raises (12 anterior, 12 lateral)
30m walking


Day 20 - 4400 calories

Breakfast
Milk (100 kcal.)
Scrambled eggs (300 kcal.)
Apple juice (50 kcal.)


Lunch
Pasta and Bolognese sauce (550 kcal.)
Cheese on toast (150kcal.)
Bread and butter (150kcal.)


Snack
Square of dark chocolate (100 kcal.)
Chocolate coins (150 kcal.)
Cereal (600 kcal.)


Dinner
2x beef burger and vegetables (650 kcal.)
Beer (500 kcal.)
Wine (300 kcal,)
3x chocolate digestive bars (450 kcal.)
2x slices white toast (300 kcal.)
Strawberries (50 kcal.)

Exercise
7x sets dips
4x sets press ups
60m walking

Right, not a great weekend, but then I was in the sort of mood I wanted to blot out. Looking at the spreadsheet, I don't have as much to play with as I might have liked, but it's not over yet. If I can get a bit more walking in, I think we can save this week... Out for dinner Monday night though...

Day 21 - 1800 calories

Breakfast
Milk (100 kcal.)

Dinner
Chicken burrito (left the guacamole and the sour cream) (800 kcal.)
Half a sticky toffee pudding (450 kcal.)
Two pints beer (450 kcal.)

Exercise
10 sets bicep curls
50m walk

Day 22 - 2250 calories

Breakfast

Milk (100)
Muffin (300)

Lunch
Chicken curry (500)

Snack
Water biscuits and ham (200)
Smoked salmon (50)

Dinner
Pepperoni pizza (700)
2x beers (400)

Exercise
100 press ups
8x sets dips
60m walking

I may not lose weight this week, and I don't care

From the time I totalled up last weekend's calories, I new it was going to be a struggle this week. And when I woke up on Wednesday and realised what I still had to do - having been somewhat not particularly focussed on getting those numbers down on Monday and Tuesday, I realised I might not get out of this week in the same way I escaped last week.

And you know what? I don't care. Last weekend was somewhat exceptional. I don't go out for lunch and have a child-free night in with beer, wine, cake and more cake every weekend.

I have no weight-loss deadline looming, it's not as if I need to lose half a stone to fit into a particular dinner jacket by next weekend.

So who gives a stuff.

This is all about long-term trends. If I'm the same weight tomorrow morning as I was last Saturday, so what? I'll not have an exceptional weekend this weekend, try and have a steady, normal week, and I'll get on the scales Saturday week and have lost a pound.

That said, I am out to the pub for dinner on Monday...

Day 18 - 1850 calories

Breakfast
Milk (50 kcal.)
Muffin (300 kcal.)

Lunch
Water biscuits (150 kcal.)
Celery and tomatoes (50 kcal.)
Ham (200 kcal.)

Snack
4x Tunnocks Caramel Log (550 kcal.)

Dinner
Chicken breast (250 kcal.)
2x glasses wine (300 kcal.)

Exercise
3 sets 15 dips
2 sets 25 press ups
60m walking

Focus the mind - create a spreadsheet

I don't feel I've really been on my dieting A game this week. Now, that's not a big problem, I don't actually have any time frame in mind, so the occasional bad week doesn't actually matter.

I also don't know how this is all going to work out, workout-wise. Obviously, I am carrying a bit too much fat over my abdomen, and I could really do with losing a bit more of those love handles, but I don't want to fade into a wee strip o' wind, so I don't want to lose too much weight.

Also, I am doing more exercise, which, although I'm not going to the gym or following a programme designed to build major muscle, it would be nice to have a bit of lean mass growth. So how does that all work? What weight will I actually end up at?

But, certainly the weight I am right now, that's just excuses talking. I've got 3 or 4 pounds to lose first before I worry about that.

Fundamentally, after dodging the bullet last week with that abominable Tuesday, I've pushed the envelope again this week, and this one may not have as happy an ending...

I really went completely overboard last Saturday and Sunday. Monday and Tuesday came in on about what would be a usual target, however, I'd 'borrowed' some of those calories for the weekend. Now it's Wednesday, and I've got to do all the weight loss in three days.

And not just the weight loss I was planning to do, but the weight loss to make up for the weekend as well.

Now you see the dilemma.

And today's not a great day to really fast either. I've been up since the usual 5.30 this morning, it's not 10.45 pm and, with a big work thing that I need to keep on top of - in a different timezone - chances are I'll be up until 1 or 2 am tomorrow.

A large mug hot chocolate and a Snickers would be spot on.

Also, given that I'm currently on the '11 foods not to eat' diet, it's going to be pretty embarrassing if I put weight on this week. And I've got to fit in a pizza and a beer tomorrow!

What I'm going to do, I think, is set up a spreadsheet that takes my daily allowance of calories, let's call it 2000, works it out for the week, and recalculates what the daily average allowance becomes as I get through each day.

It's easy enough to do in your head, I know, but the act of over-complicating it seems to focus the mind somehow...

Spreadsheet made and calories input. Quite sobering.

Whatever happens, I'll continue that diet through next week as well. I enjoyed my ice cream on Sunday, and the Big Mac today was just as spectacular as I remember.

A tasty part of today's calorie budget.


Day 16 - 1100 calories

Breakfast
4 cups coffee with milk (100 kcal.)

Lunch
Big Mac Sandwich (600 kcal.)

Dinner
Lentil Soup (300 kcal.)
4 more cups coffee (100 kcal.)

Exercise
3x 30x press ups
2x 20x dumbbell raises (10 anterior, 10 lateral)
6x 15 dips
80m walking

Day 17 - 1650 calories

Breakfast
4 cups coffee with milk (100 kcal.)

Lunch
Ham and chicken sandwich on white bread (150 kcal.)
More ham (200 kcal.)
Lentil soup (300 kcal.)

Dinner
Pizza Express pepperoni pizza (700 kcal.)
Black Sheep Ale (200 kcal.)

Exercise
7x sets bicep curls
90m walking

The thermodynamic diet and the fight against the online weight-loss 'experts'

A new diet plan for this week, one that is driven by my stubbornness. This week, we borrow from the sage advice of an online weight-loss site.

Th term 'dietician' is protected by law: you can only call yourself one if you have the appropriate qualifications - usually an honours degree in dietetics or a related-science degree with the appropriate post-graduate courses. Anyone can call themselves a nutritionist.

You could call yourself a nutritionist. I could call myself a nutritionist.

But that doesn't mean we know what we're talking about.

And that's how we end up with websites full of statements that tell us things like sugar is harmful. This is, at best, glib, at worst, something that suggests that this particular nutritionist doesn't know what 'sugar' actually is.

Now, I'm sure there are lots of nutritionists out there who know what they're talking about, and are motivated more by helping people that by distilling their guidelines down to pithy soundbites; nutritionists who base their teachings on a rational, scientific methodology, rather than just trying to scare you or by mainly focussing their efforts on search engine optimisation.

Rather annoyingly, however, is that contained within all their nonsense is some good advice. Unfortunately for them, the good advice is non-sensationalist common sense, and it's difficult to brand that as a product.

The diet industry is worth billions and billions and billions of pounds every year.

Wouldn't you like a piece of that?

I would, and, in the interests of disclosure, if this blog gets approved and enough of you come to read about my weight, I'll be sticking Adsense banners on this thing!

The difference is though, that I'm not claiming to be an expert, I'm not telling you to follow this plan if you want to lose weight. This is just my weight loss story.

Hopefully you find it entertaining.

The simple and quite unmarketable truth is that losing weight is a simple matter of consuming fewer calories than you burn.

That's it.

It doesn't matter if it's in leeks or chocolate bars, whole wheat pasta or prosecco.

It's basic thermodynamics.

But that doesn't put money in the bank. The perception of expertise does that. That's why the internet is full of sites bursting with titles like 'The Seven foods you must not eat while dieting or your manhood will retreat back into your body'.

Or similar.

Now, of course, thermodynamics not-withstanding, there are healthier and less-healthy ways to lose weight. Deciding to diet by allowing yourself just one bottle of Cava every day isn't really a great long-term option.

Unfortunately, there are essential nutrients our body requires that you just can't find in sufficient quantities in your favourite Spanish sparkling wine.

So, for the diet this week, I have been inspired by one of these sites. I searched Google with the term 'foods you should not eat if you want to lose weight' and headed across to the site that popped up at number one in the organic rankings.

I was presented with an article that gave me list of of foods I should never eat if I wanted to lose weight. Now, if I do want to lose weight, and to do that I should never eat these foods, that suggests that eating these foods will mean I don't lose weight.

Let's test that empirically.

Here are the foods I must never eat:
1. Chips and crisps
2. Sugary drinks
3. White bread
4. Candy bars
5. Fruit juices
6. Pastries, cookies and cakes
7. Some types of alcohol, especially beer
8. Ice cream
9. Pizza
10. High calorie coffee drinks
11. Foods high in added sugar, e.g. breakfast cereal.

All of these will be on my diet with one exception: the high calorie coffee drinks. I just don't do that. Full stop. Coffee is coffee. In the Leroy Jethro Gibbs style. So, instead of coffee, I'll get out for a Big Mac instead. Fair?

Of course, the Gibbs coffee is just when I have the filter on at work, I don't have time for that in the morning, so it's instant with milk. Apologies to all you hardcore LJG fans, but that's just family life.

Let battle commence.

Day 14 - 2000 Calories

Breakfast
Sugary breakfast cereal and milk (600 kcal.)
4x cups coffee with milk (100 kcal.)

Snack
Large Snickers (400 kcal.)

Lunch

Ham and chicken sandwich on white bread (150 kcal.)
Can Dr Pepper (100 kcal.)
Mini Cheddars (150 kcal.)
Multivitamin

Dinner

Lentil soup (300 kcal.)
Small slice of cake (200 kcal.)

Exercise
2x sets 25 press ups
4x sets 15 dips
25m brisk walking

Day 15 - 2000 calories

Breakfast
2x eggs, scrambled (200 kcal.)
Milk (150 kcal.)

Snack
Almond croisssant (350 kcal.)
Piece cake (250 kcal.)
Doughnut (250 kcal.)

Lunch
Ham and chicken sandwich on white bread (200 kcal.)
More cake (300 kcal.)
Multivitamin

Dinner
Lentil soup (300 kcal.)

Exercise
2x 20 dumbell raises (10 lateral, 10 anterior)
3 lots 3 sets 8 bicep curls
70m walking

Disaster averted and back on track - for about an hour

It was Saturday yesterday: weight day.

Even with the disaster that was last Tuesday - following on from a less than calorifically parsimonious weekend - I was quietly confident.

I'd had a crafty shot on the scales on Friday morning and things were looking good. So, when 7am on Saturday came around and I hopped on: 11 st 11 lb 0 oz. A 2 lb drop since last Saturday.

Now, I'm not suggesting that I somehow managed to lose two pounds in a week given the numbers I've posted in my food diaries; the numbers don't really add up.

What I will say though, is that possibly this just is a plus point for the strategy of rounding up and over-estimating those calories that I write down. That, and underestimating the exercise. Not that I'm secretly off going to the gym and hitting the rowing machine for an hour a day.

What I write is what I do.

What I don't do these days though is net those off my daily calorie total, nor do I include all the incidental little walks and bits and pieces.

Clearly, all those rounding errors make a difference...

Next though, was to come a day of going out for lunch for my mum's birthday, followed by a child-free evening of probably cake and wine-based indulgence in front of a film.

And an indulgence it turned out to be...

Day 12 - 5550 calories

Breakfast
1x thick slice bread and butter (200 kcal.)
2x slices buttered toast (250 kcal.)
3x eggs, scrambled (300 kcal.)
Smoked salmon (200 kcal.)

Lunch

Steak pie, chips and veg (1200 kcal.)

3x pints bitter (700 kcal.)

Dinner

2x sea bass fillets, potatoes and veg (400 kcal.)

2x beers (400 kcal.)

Bottle wine (700 kcal)

2x bread and butter puddings with double cream (1200 kcal.)

Exercise

25m walking

Day 13 - 2900 calories

Breakfast

4x cups tea (100 kcal.)

Slice buttered toast (150 kcal.)

Lunch

Smoked salmon (200 kcal.)

Cream cheese (400 kcal.)

Toast (200 kcal.)

Snack

Almond croissant (350 kcal.)

2 slices toast with chocolate spread (400 kcal.)

Dinner

Chicken breast (250 kcal.)

Potatoes (150 kcal.)

Slice of bread and butter (150 kcal.)
Bowl of ice cream (350 kcal.)
Beer (200 kcal.)

Exercise
Not much, really. A couple of 10 minutes strolls to the shops.
Oh, and back to the weights after 4 rest days...
3x sets bicep curls

Summary
A mixed bag I suppose this weekend. The good news is I lost a couple of pounds this week, the bad is that I celebrated by hitting the calories in style this weekend. Still, five days of discipline can make next Saturday another positive on the scales experience.

Back in control?

Turns out, after deciding to actually measure it, I'd been overestimating the calories I was getting from milk. By quite a margin. While it frees up some calories to budget to pies, beer and cake, it does now mean I might use them for pies, beer and cake, rather than just losing them as weight.

So a bit of a double-edged sword there.

Right, it's the end of the day on Friday, weigh in day tomorrow morning, let's see if we got the week back in control after gig day Tuesday...

Day 10

Breakfast
4x cups coffee (100 kcal.)
2x slices of ham (50 kcal.)

Lunch
5x double chocolate chip cookies (1100 kcal.)
Multivitamin

Dinner
Lentil soup (300 kcal.)
2x cups of tea (50 kcal.)

Exercise
50m walking

Day 11

Breakfast
4x cups coffee (100 kcal.)

Snack
1x muffin (300 kcal.)
1x almond croissant (350 kcal.)

Lunch
Crackers (200 kcal.)
Cheese (150 kcal.)
Multivitamin

Dinner
Lentil soup (300 kcal.)

Glass wine (150 kcal.)

Raisins (100 kcal.)

2x cups of tea (50 kcal).
Glass and a half of wine (200 kcal.)

Exercise

50m walking

Summary

What's that, about 3150 calories across two days? It's into the hands of fate now...

Damage limitation - mind over ghrelin

As you might have thought if you read yesterday's post, today is damage limitation day. If I wanted to salvage anything from this week, today had to be a special one.

It wasn't the complete fast I thought I might go for, but it wasn't too bad. Even if the dreaded evil that is the satsuma appeared again.

Today is a start, but it's going to take a string Thursday and Friday to back it up if I want to lose even an ounce or two when I get the Saturday morning result.

Let's raise a glass to willpower.

Day 9

No meals as such today, just a bit of grazing:
4x cups coffee (150 kcal.)
1x packet mini Cheddars (150 kcal.)
1x satsuma (50 kcal.)
4x cups tea (150 kcal.)

Exercise summary
Approx 45m walking

Summary
About 500 calories, although I had toyed with the idea of a complete fast today, it just didn't happen. If I can keep the text two days to below a total of 2500 or so, we might get away with it...

Don't worry, I won't be doing this every day

The plan is not to keep writing a full post every day. I'm not really sure I've got that much to say to be honest. Right now, at least up until proper weight-in two this Saturday, it merely serves as a motivation and a reminder to keep on it.

What I will try and do everyday though, is the basic food diary. In once way it's a just a handy way for me to record what I'm eating as the day goes on, but also, I want to be as transparent as possible.

What I write here is genuinely what I eat everyday and corresponds to the weight I'll put on or lose when I measure it each Saturday.

Breakfast
4x cups coffee with milk (150 kca.)
2x eggs (scrambled) with 2x slices ham (250 kcal.)

Lunch
4x oatcakes (200 kcal.)
4x thin slices (about 40 to 50g) mature cheddar (200 kcal.)

Dinner
Tesco sticky toffee pudding (400 kcal.)
Double cream (400 kcal.)

2nd dinner
Bowl of tomato soup
Plate of chips
4 pints bitter

3rd dinner

2 poached eggs and 1 slice of ham on brown bread (350 kcal.)

2 pints bitter

And some more crackers

And some more cheese

And a bacon sandwich

Exercise summary
2 lots 3x10 bicep curls
40m brisk walking

Summary
Gig night was always going to be a day where I let things slip a little bit. But I reckon I'm on about 5k calories today. Okay, so I was up before 5 and it's midnight now; and yes, I'll be up at 5.30 tomorrow; but I don't think that quite makes up for it somehow.

It's going to take a special kind of three days to get out of this...

Back to the new old routine

School started back today. Back to the old routine. In some ways, I'm glad: the last traces of the festive period are gone - apart from a few stray chocolate coins - so keeping to plan should be that much easier.

What to make of today? Bit of a hectic one at work. No time to get away from my desk for a walk - even to go and buy doughnuts - but did get 5 minutes to eat my soup this afternoon while on the phone.

I will say this though, and please forgive my pride,  but that's the best lentil soup I've made in a while. Really rather tasty.

Looking in the mirror at the end of the day today, the tummy bumps are coming back - so pleased with that - but I always go a peculiar shape when I start losing weight and get to around this point. The fat goes from over my abs first, way before it goes from the area below that, which just looks weird. I actually look like I've got more of a tummy than last week, simply because I now go in and out, rather than just remaining out.

Still, it's progress, and if I can rid myself of somewhere between half a pound and pound by the time we get to the next Saturday weigh in, I'll be happy with that.

For now though, I'll keep myself happy with the thought that my BMI is  about bang on 24, my waist measurement is comfortably under half my height, and I've still got a beer and another sticky toffee pudding to get home to tomorrow.

Day 7

Breakfast
3x cups coffee with milk (100 kcal.)
2x slices ham (50 kcal.)
Multivitamin

Lunch
10x shortbread fingers (1000 kcal.)

Snack

2x celery sticks (not even going to bother counting those)
1x chocolate coin (let's call that 100 kcal., just to be safe)

Dinner
Lentil soup (300 kcal.)

Exercise summary
3x set 15 dips
4x sets press ups (different hand positions each set)

Summary
Fairly happy with that, all being said. I make that about 1550 calories, so that covers yesterday sticky toffee overshoot. And that was always sort of the plan. Don't worry too much about the weekend, and try and have a good Monday so that those three days average out at about even, giving me 4 days out of the week to lose weight. Of course, gig with the band tomorrow, so that's usually a few beers to account for...

Why am I writing this - for shame

There are countless dieting blogs out there. There must be.  Not that I've ever really looked; nor have I attempted to count them, but it seems likely.

Assuming that that's true, what does the world need with another one?

Probably nothing, really.

So why am I writing this one?

Shame.

I think part of the reason that so many people seem to join slimming groups has nothing to do with the diet plan: losing weight is very, very straightforward, you just have to eat fewer calories than you burn and let the laws of thermodynamics do the rest.

That's it.

So why spend money on something you can do yourself for free? I would wager a big part if it is motivation driven by fear of public humiliation.

Who wants to be the one person at the weigh in who's put on a pound? I certainly wouldn't.

And that's why I'm writing this.

All it takes is one person. One single, solitary person out there in the world who's seen this blog and who wants me to succeed.

Or, even better, one who wants me to fail.

Just the thought of that gives me the motivation to try and stick to what I've set out to do. That, and a quote from Scrubs' Dr. Cox (forgive me if I've misquoted, but you'll get the idea): " The day you look in the mirror and are happy with what you see, you've lost the battle."

This isn't the place for discussions on body image; as the title of the blog suggests, I'm pragmatic.

I know I wasn't born with the facial bone structure of Ryan Reynolds; I'm unlikely to wake up tomorrow and be 6' 2 1/2" tall; I know the guys on the front of the men's health magazines spend hours in the gym and trim their diets before a shoot because it's their job, but a wee glance in the mirror doesn't hurt.

And sometimes, just sometimes, when the light reflects off the toilet just right and I'm dehydrated from last night's dinner of two bottles of Rioja, that stomach looks damn fine and I crack a smile and it feels great.

Then I just need to not drink anything and find a reason to keep my shirt off until my wife's sees me.

Day 6

Breakfast
4x cups coffee with milk (150 kcal.)
Bacon sandwich (250 kcal.)

Lunch
2x poached eggs on toast with 2x slices ham (350 kcal.)
Multivitamin

Dinner
Cheese, crackers, celery sticks, cherry tomatoes, 2x ham slices (650 kcal.)

2x 150 ml beers (400 kcal.)

Snacks
2 shortbread finger (200 kcal.)

Exercise summary
2 lots 3x 10 bicep curls
2x 25 squats
30m leisurely stroll
30m less leisurely stroll

Summary

On for a neat 2000 calories today, before exercise, nice end to the weekend and primed for next week. Happy with that.

UPDATE: It's Sunday night, it's a time for sitting on the sofa and indulging. Take that 2000 and add another beer and a small sticky toffee pudding with cream to that. Let's call it 2700.

Rounding up could mean an extra beer...

Well, today was the day of the first weigh in. I wasn't expecting a great result, especially considering the burger incident. However, I tipped the scales at a comfortable 11st, 13lb, 2oz. A loss of about 3 1/2 pounds.

I'll take that.

Now, obviously, it's not real. What I'm after is to lose fat. Given the guideline number that a pound of fat is about 3000 calories or so , to lose 3 pounds would mean that my net calories out would have had to have been 9000 less than my net calories in.

Today is Saturday, my starting day was Tuesday. I'm pretty sure that those numbers don't reflect what actually happened. So, while my diet didn't really expressly cut back on carbohydrate, the simple fact that I was eating less meant my carbohydrate intake was down.

While I hope there has been some fat burning going on, to have the scales report that sort of figure suggests that I lost a lot of glycogen and the water that goes with it. Still, I've got into a routine now, and have broken the constant eating and drinking cycle that I had going over the holidays, so that's progress.

Now, let's change tack slightly and talk about why I only eat in multiples of 50 calories. Well, of course, I don't.

I just round everything up to the nearest 50.

But why? Well, firstly, it makes the maths easier; secondly, you're perhaps protected against inaccurate nutritional value figures you found on the 'net; and thirdly, it means you've always got something in hand.

Take the calories for the beers below. Going on what I can find online, the actual number of calories contained in those three bottles is 500; I've made it 600. There are two things I can do with this fact. I can get to my daily calorie limit faster, stick to it, and lose a little more weight today. Or, I can add to that the fact that I've not accounted for my walks today and go to the pub.

Which to choose? Well, it's Saturday night, isn't it...

Shouldn't any diet let you eat what you want to? This is a dieting dinner I can get behind...

Day 5

Breakfast

3 cups coffee with milk (ca. 100 kcal.)
Multivitamin
2x poached eggs on toast (300 kcal.)

Snack
2x cups of tea (ca. 50 kcal.)
2x shortbread fingers (200 kcal.)
1x weetabix and milk (200 kcal.)

Lunch
Bacon sandwich (300 kcal.)

Dinner
Steak and ale pie (550 kcal.)
Boiled mixed vegetables (50 kcal.)
1x 500 ml Shipyard IPA (200 kcal.)
2x 500 ml Black Sheep Ale (400 kcal.)

Exercise summary
2x sets 25 press ups
3x sets 15 dips
45m brisk stroll pushing buggy with toddler that didn't sleep for nearly long enough in it.

Summary
2350 calories today without considering the exercise. On plan I think. If I can keep to under 2000 calories a day during the week, and under 2500 at the weekend, that works for me. Especially by the time I've rounded up the numbers. Obviously, there will be the unexpected burger days, or the band gigging days that up the beer intake, but this is a marathon, not a sprint. It's all about the trend.

It's Friday and I fancy a beer

Well, made it to Friday night unscathed; the eve of the first proper weigh in.

Today's been a respectable day, about 1600 calories, but with a bit of an extra stroll, so I've probably walked for over an hour today. Should help to cancel out some of that indulgent breakfast I had today.

Back to the coffee only breakfast tomorrow I think.

You may also noticed I've changed my lunch from 5 doughnuts to 5 double chocolate cookies. Not only is the calorie count slightly lower, but the glycaemic load is lower as well. They are also quite sickly, which does put you off eating for a bit longer as well... Double chocolate for the triple win!

It's 9 pm, I've got the kids to sleep, put the Christmas tree back up in the attic and changed the bed. I think that justifies the pint I've fancied all day. I'll enjoy it with little regard or concern for how that changes the readout on the device of foreboding tomorrow.

Things should be alright. Thinking about the weight from yesterday, it's difficult to see there being much less than that. There's no weight I lost more than a pound in fat in a couple of days. Not with how much I've eaten against how much I've exercised.

Not a chance.

So, even though I've had a diet that's been fairly rich in carbohydrate, it's likely that nearly all of that weight loss was in glycogen and the associated water weight. Next week, it gets harder...

Day 4

Breakfast
3x cups coffee with milk (ca. 100 kcal.)
2x eggs, scrambled (ca. 200 kcal.)

Lunch
5x double chocolate cookies (1100 kcal.)

Dinner
Lentil soup (200 kcal.)

Exercise summary
3 lots 3x 10 bicep curls
2x 25 squats
Approx 70m brisk walking

Summary

I think today's been not too bad I suppose. After a good day yesterday it would have been easy to rest on my laurels and be a bit less focussed today, but I think I've about got away with it. Of course, it depends if that one pint stays as just that one pint...

I may soon be dead: I ate fruit

While this may only be my third post, I fear it may be my last. I've done something very bad: I've eaten a satsuma.

Today's satsuma, combined with the satsuma I ate yesterday, means my days are surely numbered. Maybe my pancreas will inflate like a balloon connected to whatever it is politicians talk from; perhaps my kidneys will liquefy, flow against the pull of gravity and fall out of my eyes. Either way, a nutritionist has said I've done a bad thing.

You see, I read an article on the BBC website about this thing: 'veganuary'. There was a quote from a 'nutrition therapist', so I clicked on the link and found myself on her website. On the 'about' page, I found this piece of sage advice: "If what you are about to eat...is also known to cause you harm (eg sugar, additives, pesticides) then dont [sic] put it in your mouth".

Oh dear. Those satsumas are going to come back to haunt me. Those two sweet little orange bags of sugar. Maybe I'll be okay. They're just satsumas. They're only small. Perhaps I'll survive. I suppose it could have been worse.

If it had been a pomegranate I might not be here now.

On another note, I did today what I wasn't going to to until Saturday: I weighed myself. Far too soon for any sort of conclusion to be drawn, I know, but my wife had got on the scales and said she'd lost weight, so I thought I'd do the same.

Just for giggles.

Anyway, 12st 1lb 6oz. I'll take that. Particularly given the less than perfect start I had. However, from now on, it's Saturday mornings only, and I might even draw a graph.

Day 3

Breakfast
Two cups coffee with milk (ca. 50 kcal.)

Lunch
Five jam doughnuts (1150 kcal.)

Snack
Satsuma (50 kcal.)

Dinner
Lentil soup (200 kcal.)
Multivitamin

Exercise summary
3x 25 press ups
3x 15 dips
Approx 30min walking

Summary

Not a bad day, really. That's about 1450 calories before any of the walking comes off. I was very close to rewarding myself with a trip to the pub. But it's baltic outside.

The day in which I find the Christmas stocking

Day two, and I was fairly confident it would be better than yesterday, mostly due to the fact there wouldn't be a burger covered in blue cheese at the end of it that I hadn't anticipated.

There was, however, an unplanned piece of work cake with a work coffee during an afternoon meeting, but I sacrificed the Mini Cheddars I had planned to eat for that.

And it really was only a small bit of cake.

Nevertheless, today needed to come in safely under 2000 calories; I mean, I can't start writing all this stuff and making it public just to fail now, can I?

What would be the point of that?

Of course, I'm still coming off the back of a fortnight of excess, indulgence and leftovers. And I don't like waste.

Today's leftovers started well, with the making of a lentil soup, that took care of some spare carrots and potatoes from the roast. The day remained strong with the satsuma from my Christmas stocking. 

Then it was the chocolate coins.

So far, have stopped at two.

Day 2

Breakfast
Five cups coffee with milk (ca. 150 kcal.)

Lunch
Five jam doughnuts (1150 kcal.)

Snack
Morsel of cake (ca. 200 kcal.)

Satsuma )50 kcal.)

Dinner
Lentil soup (200 kcal.)
Bacon sandwich (250 kcal.)
Multivitamin

Two chocolate coins (ca. 100 kcal)

Exercise summary

3 lots of 3 sets of 10 bicep curls
Approximately 20 minutes' brisk strolling.

Summary

So, I think that comes to 2100, not quite was I was going for, but, like I said, I'm still getting over my gluttony, so I'll take it.

It almost makes up for yesterday...

Not the first day I had imagined...

Tuesday the 3rd January. My first day back at work after the festive period, and the first day of the attempt to lose the holiday pounds.

Of which there were quite a few.

We'll get back to me later, I'm sure, but in the manner of a Tarantino storyboard, let's just start off here:

Out of bed, 6.40 am; bathroom; empty bladder, first weigh in.

Weight₀ if you will.

12 stone, 2 pounds, 8 ounces.

Compared to where I was in the middle of August (I was distracted so my memory is a bit hazy: can't be more specific), about 8 pounds up; and not quite with the laterals on which one could grate a mature applewood-smoked cheddar on as was the case last summer either.

Game on.

Here's one quick thing though - let's establish a bit of a context -  I have two kids I need to get to school and nursery in the morning, I'm mostly desk-bound, not a member of a gym, don't really get a chance for a lunch break, and usually get home between 7, quarter past or so, ready for a couple of loads of dishes, put the kids to bed, and possibly squeeze in an episode of Star Trek Voyager if my eyes haven't started stinging yet.

Oh, and I begrudge spending a lot of money on food that is fundamentally empty bags of sugar that I don't enjoy; i.e.: fruit.

However, I was an assistant professor of biology (it wasn't my major, but I can still remember a bit of my nutritional biochemistry), I can still read a scientific paper, I'm reasonably confident in the human body's ability to operate relatively happily within a wide range of parameters (it seems to do well enough, right?), I'm fed up of lots of people on the internet calling themselves 'nutritionists' and talking a lot of nonsense, and I'm a firm believer in the first law of thermodynamics.

On these fundamentals, the pragmatic diet was born.

Day 1

Breakfast 6.45 am - 8.00 am
Four mugs instant coffee with milk (ca. 100 kcal.)
One multivitamin

Lunch 11.15 am
Five jam doughnuts (1150 kcal.)

Snack 2.45 pm
Chicken and bacon sandwich (ca. 400 kcal,)

And that's where it started to go wrong, as a last -minute work meeting was scheduled that was due to last into the evening. The best laid plans an' all...

Dinner 7.30 pm
Bacon and blue cheese burger and 2 pints of dark lager (lots kcal.)
Oh, and some onion rings.

Exercise summary
Three x sets 25 press ups in the morning (one set elevated feet, one set wide arm, one set regular)
Approx 25m brisk walking

Summary
Not sure really, maybe a bit over 3000 calories? Still, there's always tomorrow...