The thermodynamic diet and the fight against the online weight-loss 'experts'

A new diet plan for this week, one that is driven by my stubbornness. This week, we borrow from the sage advice of an online weight-loss site.

Th term 'dietician' is protected by law: you can only call yourself one if you have the appropriate qualifications - usually an honours degree in dietetics or a related-science degree with the appropriate post-graduate courses. Anyone can call themselves a nutritionist.

You could call yourself a nutritionist. I could call myself a nutritionist.

But that doesn't mean we know what we're talking about.

And that's how we end up with websites full of statements that tell us things like sugar is harmful. This is, at best, glib, at worst, something that suggests that this particular nutritionist doesn't know what 'sugar' actually is.

Now, I'm sure there are lots of nutritionists out there who know what they're talking about, and are motivated more by helping people that by distilling their guidelines down to pithy soundbites; nutritionists who base their teachings on a rational, scientific methodology, rather than just trying to scare you or by mainly focussing their efforts on search engine optimisation.

Rather annoyingly, however, is that contained within all their nonsense is some good advice. Unfortunately for them, the good advice is non-sensationalist common sense, and it's difficult to brand that as a product.

The diet industry is worth billions and billions and billions of pounds every year.

Wouldn't you like a piece of that?

I would, and, in the interests of disclosure, if this blog gets approved and enough of you come to read about my weight, I'll be sticking Adsense banners on this thing!

The difference is though, that I'm not claiming to be an expert, I'm not telling you to follow this plan if you want to lose weight. This is just my weight loss story.

Hopefully you find it entertaining.

The simple and quite unmarketable truth is that losing weight is a simple matter of consuming fewer calories than you burn.

That's it.

It doesn't matter if it's in leeks or chocolate bars, whole wheat pasta or prosecco.

It's basic thermodynamics.

But that doesn't put money in the bank. The perception of expertise does that. That's why the internet is full of sites bursting with titles like 'The Seven foods you must not eat while dieting or your manhood will retreat back into your body'.

Or similar.

Now, of course, thermodynamics not-withstanding, there are healthier and less-healthy ways to lose weight. Deciding to diet by allowing yourself just one bottle of Cava every day isn't really a great long-term option.

Unfortunately, there are essential nutrients our body requires that you just can't find in sufficient quantities in your favourite Spanish sparkling wine.

So, for the diet this week, I have been inspired by one of these sites. I searched Google with the term 'foods you should not eat if you want to lose weight' and headed across to the site that popped up at number one in the organic rankings.

I was presented with an article that gave me list of of foods I should never eat if I wanted to lose weight. Now, if I do want to lose weight, and to do that I should never eat these foods, that suggests that eating these foods will mean I don't lose weight.

Let's test that empirically.

Here are the foods I must never eat:
1. Chips and crisps
2. Sugary drinks
3. White bread
4. Candy bars
5. Fruit juices
6. Pastries, cookies and cakes
7. Some types of alcohol, especially beer
8. Ice cream
9. Pizza
10. High calorie coffee drinks
11. Foods high in added sugar, e.g. breakfast cereal.

All of these will be on my diet with one exception: the high calorie coffee drinks. I just don't do that. Full stop. Coffee is coffee. In the Leroy Jethro Gibbs style. So, instead of coffee, I'll get out for a Big Mac instead. Fair?

Of course, the Gibbs coffee is just when I have the filter on at work, I don't have time for that in the morning, so it's instant with milk. Apologies to all you hardcore LJG fans, but that's just family life.

Let battle commence.

Day 14 - 2000 Calories

Breakfast
Sugary breakfast cereal and milk (600 kcal.)
4x cups coffee with milk (100 kcal.)

Snack
Large Snickers (400 kcal.)

Lunch

Ham and chicken sandwich on white bread (150 kcal.)
Can Dr Pepper (100 kcal.)
Mini Cheddars (150 kcal.)
Multivitamin

Dinner

Lentil soup (300 kcal.)
Small slice of cake (200 kcal.)

Exercise
2x sets 25 press ups
4x sets 15 dips
25m brisk walking

Day 15 - 2000 calories

Breakfast
2x eggs, scrambled (200 kcal.)
Milk (150 kcal.)

Snack
Almond croisssant (350 kcal.)
Piece cake (250 kcal.)
Doughnut (250 kcal.)

Lunch
Ham and chicken sandwich on white bread (200 kcal.)
More cake (300 kcal.)
Multivitamin

Dinner
Lentil soup (300 kcal.)

Exercise
2x 20 dumbell raises (10 lateral, 10 anterior)
3 lots 3 sets 8 bicep curls
70m walking